Pleasure and the Older Woman by Fleur Chapman


Ladies, let’s talk about pleasure – in the bedroom (or wherever!)

As we age, sexual intimacy may not have the same appeal. Real talk, your body isn’t what it used to be and you are increasingly tired from the day-to-day.

There is so much going on in your life that come evening, all you want to do is sleep. Your partner half-heartedly makes an advance and you give each other the ‘not tonight, dear’ look. The moment has passed…

You are not alone, sister!

While there is certainly not a ‘one size fits all’ (excuse the pun) approach to love, there are ways to spark up that interest and once again enjoy pleasure-filled moments with another kindred spirit.

The first step – be comfortable in your own skin. If you are squeamish about
the stretch marks, wrinkles and wobbly bits the years have kindly donated, then you are both in for some hard work. Relax, let yourself go and enjoy the moment. Clothes on, or clothes off – it’s your choice. Intimacy doesn’t have to be all skin-to-skin, it is a personal, deep connection shared between two people.

Think back to when you first started dating. No doubt, you would make an effort, plan the evening well in advance and the excitement would build. Nowadays? Married, single or somewhere in between, when was the last time you went on a proper date? It’s time to book a nice restaurant, get excited again, doll yourself up and get out of the house. Taking the time to sit together and chat over a meal (cooked by someone else!) and perhaps a drink or two is a lovely way to reconnect your souls. You will feel great all dressed up, plus you get the chance to see your partner freshened up, stoking that fire of desire for when you get home.

With kids no longer in the family home (or at least old enough to know how to knock!) change up your normal pleasure-making routine and try something new. It doesn’t have to be something with batteries (although….), maybe just getting together at a different time of day is enough to get you over the edge. Shower together, offer each other a massage, or just pretend you are 15 again and indulge in a make-out session. The internet is a wonderful place for ideas, but go forth with an open mind!

Lastly, be gentle on each other – physically and emotionally. As we age, what it means to be intimate changes. If one of you is unwilling or unable to swing from the chandeliers – that is ok! Communicate, talk openly and respect each other’s boundaries. With maturity brings experience and a clear definition of what you want – and do not want.

There is no reason to let older age hold you back from discovering a part of you once thought lost. Pleasure is a wonderful thing worthy of your attention once more.